Deny, Deny, Deny

Denial: to reject something you know to be true. Why do we do it, if we know that it is true or at least some part of us knows it's true then why bother denying it? Someone has been my friend for a long time but recently I am faced with the knowledge of something that both myself and this person have been denying. I chose not to believe the evidence saying it was pure speculation that brought myself and others to this certain conclusion but I don't think I can deny it any longer. My only question is how long can they keep it up? To deny oneself of who they are must be tiring.

Weddings

This past weekend one California girl: Meg Paton married her new Husband Rory at a beautiful ceremony in Kits. Alison, Tara and I all found ourselves attending the wedding/reception. These two seem so in love and yet not much older than myself. It got me wondering if I was ready? This was followed by the answer to said question which was a resounding no. Which lead to the second question How young is too young and is it love or perhaps naivety that leads people to marry so young.
Meg and Rory should be the couple afraid to jump into marriage at such a young age, both their parents have suffered divorces. Marriages that ended in infidelity. Despite these less than stellar models of "marital bliss" Meg and Rory decided that it was worth the risk. Granted I don't think I've ever seen a couple so in love in my life but it just doesn't make sense in my mind.
As I watched the glowing newly weds dance their first dance on the hard wood floor of the Scottish Cultural center I couldn't help but be struck by a certain sense of innocence that seemed to occupy the space around them. Nothing in thew orld could be wrong in that moment, for that day after all they now had each other forever. I think I envy that air of innocence. I await my day like that eagerly, waiting for the day I can gaze confidently in the eyes of the man I love and have every bone in my body tell me that nothing could ever go wrong as long as he was by my side.
I love Robert, there is no doubt in my mind but I also have no doubt that I am not ready to pledge my whole life to him. It's funny, four months ago I wanted to it so bad and it couldn't come soon enough, now I don't know. I want to get married I just know that it isn't in the near future for me.

The Right Fit

So here it is, Rob is back and yesterday was an awesome day. He came over around 3:30, we then went to the beach for an early dinner because we were both pretty hungry, went for a little stroll took a look in some shops and then headed to his house to plan our next steps. After that it was off to Castle Fun Park. needless to say it was fill with fun good times.
So here it is, I've been thinking the last couple days about how good a fit are Rob and I actually and here is what I have come up with.
1: We never seem to tire of each others company. We can spend hours and days together and still eagerly await the next time we can see the other.
2: We always have lots to talk about. Even when we have seen each other everyday we still can find things to talk about.
3: He makes me laugh. I make him laugh.
4:We were seperated and obviously we missed each other enough to get back together.
Now there were the positives, and nothing is one sided so the negatives are as follows.
1: we spend a lot of time together. This may seem like a good thing but if you think about it that got us into a lot of trouble the first time around. You need balance (which i hope i have achieved more recently)
2:In the past we took each other for granted. That doesnt seem to be an issue this time around but then again the memory of being without the other is still fresh in our memories.

Over all I find much more positive than negatives and the bottom line is I love him.
Verdict: excellent fit

blek

The age old question, once revision or in this case cleanliness has occurred: Doesn't that feel better?
No, no it doesn't and if it did I feel there might be something wrong there. I am still the same unclean person, the same girl who is extremely untidy except now my personal space does not resemble MY personal space. I'm still me only cleaner I guess. It sounds terrible and melodramatic but sometimes it seems like there are a lot of people in this world who don't like to see happiness. As I'm sure you've noticed by now, happiness is kind of a lasting motif in my life. I spent a long time revolving my searches around it. Now that I feel I have it (for the time being) it feels like everywhere I turn someone is trying to hinder that.

Write Off

So here's the thing, I fully expect today to be the day from hell. I haven't been up for and hour and I'm already in tears. In the book I'm reading the Guru says that you should never break down like this because then it will become a habit. In situations like this I think I agree with her. I don't want to cry and I know nothing bad has happened to be what I got I deserve. I just feel like shit now. And I really miss my Smoochie. I just want to talk to him. We haven't even back together for a month and I miss him like crazy after 2 days. :(
Anyway trying to get back to a more zen state I decided to write off my feelings, in the hopes that some clarity would come as the words flowed through my fingertips and into the interwebz. But as I said I fully expect today to be a write off and tomorrow will be awesome. I will go to the baseball game with Alison and then my Smoochie will then come home to me :) then all I have to do is cuddle.
I should probably go do something productive now.

Mashed

So Saturday night was AMAZING. The four of us girls took Meg out for a Bachelorette party. so much fun, we were harassed by dirty Irish boys all night as well as a string of other admirers. Honestly it was like one would leave the table and another would take his place. So much fun.
Can't wait for the wedding in two weeks, which we're going to of course stoked!

AS for the rest of my weekend it was good, today was good. Hung out with Al and watched the premier of Bachelor Pad and Dating in the Dark. So overall excellent night. One down side was I didnt get a chance to talk to Rob at all. He's on the island right now and in typical lame-o Brittney fashion I miss him like crazy already. Stupid girl.

Daily Reader

So, had an excellent day on the boat with Dad, Brody, Tawney, Paige and Rob. I didn't do any tubing or anything but i did soak up some serious rays. Thats all I really felt like doing. Im kind of lamed out by the fact that I only have 1 day off this week but whatevs. I mean I would so love to go hiking or something somewhere tomorrow. Instead I am working 1-7. Anyway, after my lovely boat excursion some of my lovely lady friends came over to watch True Blood. SUCH A GOOD EP! after that we watched the invention of lying which was alright had some funny bits to it.
I love Katherine, she's so out there when it comes to her opinions and experiences about sex, family and life in general. Tonight when her and Al first stopped by Rob was still here so she got to really talk to him for the first time. I was quite please it seems like she actually likes him which is so important to me. I really dont want to be one of those girls who's friends all dislike her boyfriend.
Anyway seeing as I feel I have a lack of anything really interesting to say tonight I think I shall be heading off to bed now. Goodnight all!

Bursting

Some days just turn out. You wake up thinking "god I don't want to get out of bed this morning" you go to work thinking " I don't want to be here" you have lunch thinking "this Wendys sucks i want to go home" and then magic happens. A beautiful man stops by to bring you coffee and instantly you're thinking "Im a lucky lady." Today was a spectacular day for not much reason at all. Rob and I went out to dinner to White Rock for fish and chips, we then stopped by his work to say hi to some friends and then we went to a movie. We saw "Charlie St. Cloud" which i know you're thinking i chose that one but no word of a lie it was all him. The boy has a serious man crush on Zac Efron. It was a day that leaves you speechless (well obviously that's not true) it was a day that leaves you feeling so full of love you feel you might burst. I lay here in bed feeling extremely content.
Thank you to the universe, thank you to god, i will try to hold onto this feeling so I can get myself out of the way for you and everybody else.

Tomorrow also promises to be a good day: my dad is taking us out on the boat, which is always fun. I am then going to hang out with Alison and Katherine, not quite sure what we're doing but I know we'll have fun because we always do. Even if we're just hackin' around.

Sisterly Love

One thing that I had mentioned in previous blogs was that I had grown closer with my family. So in that spirit, I took Tawney out shopping today, followed by lunch at BP. I must say that I really enjoyed my time withe her. One thing is for sure I do worry about her a lot. She's entering into this world that I just made it out of. I know what is down that way and I just hope that she gets as lucky as I did and makes it out without any damage or you know pregnancy. I am of course talking about high school and the teenage years. The one thing that makes me worry about her even more is the fact that she seems concerned with coming across as an "LG." I'm worried that some boy will use this against her, in order to have his way with her. Ick what a disgusting thought.
When I was her age I had much more of an attitude on me too, I was always warry of guys intentions. I can't say that I would want her to share that characteristic but I do think she is too trusting. She needs to learn how guys should treat a lady and that she deserves to be treated that way. Any guy that doesn't is not worth her time. The thing is I've told her this and I don't know if she actually hears me. Maybe it's too late. When I was growing up I had that drilled into my head all the time by my parents I don't think Tawney has had that same experience.
All I can do I guess is keep an eye on her and be here if she decides she needs me. And of course pray.
Dear God:
Please watch over Tawney as she enters into this scary realm of becoming a woman. Give her the confidence to thrive and demand from people what she deserves. Let these years be happy years (but with plenty more to come). Hold onto her and guide her.
Thanks, Sincerely:
Brittney Hougaard

And while I'm asking for protective energies towards my little sister why not ask my 4 brothers that "Eat, Pray, Love" says we all are born with, to keep her safe as well. You heard me boys, help her out. :)

Bye Bye

So mom is officially off to Vegas. Have fun mumzies!

Blues

Existentialism is all well and good, the ponderings of life and what not all great. However, the truth is sometimes things that bring us the most happiness in life are not discovering that you are this or that, or that the universe is a living breathing thing wanting its inhabitants to be happy. No, sometimes the things that bring us the most happiness (albeit fleeting) are the little things: like blue nails.
A couple months back I decided that I was going to be one of those girls who painted her nails on a regular basis, making sure that they always look presentable. For the most part I have achieved that goal. The problem is that although I absolutely love my flamingo pink nail polish I felt that the pink and I had grown apart,we were in a rut so to speak. So in order to perk myself up I went out and did something I would normally frown upon. I bought Brisk Blue nail polish. I have no idea why is pleases me so much to look down at these happy blue nails but it does.
My eternal search is for happiness, long lasting, deep and true happiness. Now blue nails might not bring long lasting happiness but i think it is noteworthy the fact that something so small has the ability to make me so happy. Sometimes that's what we need to do for ourselves, pick ourselves out of any rut we may be in and just do something small. What that thing is, is entirely up to you. As for me, right now that something is blue nails.