Excellence

God bless beer, nachos and excellent friends.

Went out last night with the girls for some much needed gal pal time. Alison and I shared a pitcher of beer, had myself some paralyzers and then the three of us shared some nachos. Excellence is the word i believe you're looking for.

Road Full of Promises, Head Full of Doubt

The truth is I'm happier than I thought I was, I feel less sad than I though I was. The rays of sunshine shine so bright and they bring a lightness to my heart that I haven't felt in some time. When sadness does strike me, it is brief and it is faint, and if I'm being honest usually followed by anger and frustration, not at him but at myself. Why would I be angry at myself? I feel like I tried so hard for something that clearly wasnt worth my effort. I tried everything I could think of to make this thing work and what did I get, nothing.
I don't regret it though, to me I just showed myself how capable of love my heart is. I never knew that I could be so selfless, that I could put my needs second to the enth degree the way I have for the past couple months. So for that I thank you, you know who you are. Thank you for showing me what my heart is capable of, what I am capable of, and how much I can come back from.
I was watching sex in the city the other night and Carrie asked the question, why do women need to find the lesson in broken relationships? I think it's because we want to know that it wasnt a waste, the love the time the energy wasn't a waste. As women we pride ourselves on our selflessness and all we want is to find someone equally as devoted to us as we are to them. When we dont find that we need to find the reason, why it didn't work out for the same reasons that historians look into the past, so that we do not make these same mistakes again. If you do not learn a lesson from a relationship, i guess the fear is you are doomed to repeat the heart ache agian and again, and who wants that? Not me I want to move on, it'll take time to heal but when I do I will find someone who will love me the way i deserve, and will cherish me. I need to learn to loosen up, take some time to figure out what I really want out of life. The road ahead is paved in sunshine. :)

Rolling In The Deep

YEAH YEAH YEAH

If You Could Take All The Love Without Giving Any Back, Would You Do It?

What Would You Do?

With All Your Power?

HelloGoodbye

I want to be chased

Beauty of a Plan

Overwhelmed, tasks hunched on your shoulders darkening your mood in everything you do. This is a picture of life in school. taking 3 second year courses that in themselves would keep you busy but no I'm taking three. Next is work which is frusterating and stressful to a point that you can't imagine. Then of course theres family obligations: dad wants the house cleaned, they want you to spend time with the,, brothers got girlfriend problems and, sister is in high school so there is always drama. Trying to make time for friends who seem to think they have it so tough and know it all and then theres the fact that no oneseems be able to agree on a time or a place. Last but not least there's the relationship that has been on firmer ground. All of this is dizzying. I'm exhausted to say the least.
There is one saving grace amongst all of this, and that is a plan. There is something so soothing about writing down everything, what you have to do the time frame that it will be done in, etc. Honestly, last night as I sat stressing about all I had to do I got out my agenda and started planning my next couple weeks. Granted I will have virtually no free time it still felt so much better. It felt like everything was suddenly manageable.
I still can't wait for this weight to be lifted off my chest, but with my plan set in place i feel like I can make it till summer. Breathe in Breathe out, I can do it, you can do it too.

Future

So right now I am feeling super confused. I feel like I want to go into teaching but the thing is there is a part of me that i just dont think has the passion for it. Am I really wanting to go through another 3 years of schooling to do this. Again I am faced with the thought of taking some two year program and being done with it. but then again that only puts me a year a head of the game. I don't know I guess its just worry, that what if this isnt what is going to make me happy for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think I just chose this profession because I felt like the pressure was on to make a decision. So here I was and i thought why not teaching, and touche why not teaching, but more importantly, Why Teaching?

Mary

Mary by Patty Griffin

I was listening to this song on my way home from school today, I have listened to this song many times and it never hits me as anything more than a pretty tune from the hauntingly good Patty Griffin. Tonight I had a thought. As I really listened to the lyrics I couldn't help getting a little misty.
Everyone knows the story of the virgin birth. This Virgin gives birth to the savior of all mankind. My question is what happened to her after Jesus' death. Was there some lottery she won afterward, you know, watch son be persecuted, tortured and finally crucified and the rest of your days will be easy sailings. Sadly, I don't see that as being the case. My bets are with, she goes home ( perhaps Mary Magdalene joins her) and spends the rest of her days trying to scrape by. Each day she will miss her son, cry for him because after all he was her son. Just because he was some Messiah sent from God to save our souls doesn't mean she didn't raise him, doesn't mean she didn't love him like any other mother loves her son. What happened to her? How much did what happened to him effect her?