Bow time

Photo of the day:
I bought this bow like 6 months ago and this is my first day wearing it. I think it went over pretty well





Had a pretty good day. Cleaned my room, went to the doctors, made cookies, cleaned bathroom and hung out with Katherine. Me and the Kitty kat went to LeChateau and i picked out and outfit which santa will be giving me for christmas. A nice pair of jeans, a tank top an awesome leather jacket. I also picked up a pair of boots for myself :) cause you know im such a bad girl. adnd now i am talking to my lover man on skype. I am so excited to go up on Friday to Kelowna. I can't wait to see him, to kiss him and of course do naughty things with him. Love my 80's pop star.

Scare me

Its not only important to find some one who makes you feel loved and cherished but its also important to find some one who pushes you. Pushes you out of your comfort zone and to try new things that might scare you. Maybe thats it find someone who scares you, not because they're screaming in your face or pushing around the room, but scares you because you care so much about them, scares you because you dont know what to do, what to say and like i said pushes you to do things that scare you.

MMM

Perks of being a curvy girl with a boyfriend who loves it:

I can eat an entire thing of Tzaziki with minimal guilt

Best Friends

My mother is a wise lady.

"as sad as it is, best friends will always come in and out of your life, but one day you'll find someone, your soulmate and really he will become your best friend. That's really how it happens."


The older I get I think this is true I havent found that soul mate yet but who knows what life will bring.

I like the idea of your girlfriends being your soulmates but let's face it life isnt HBO. Sex and the City isn't realistic.

Mercedes Benz hot buttz

Saturday night photo:
Went out with Kristin, Gillian, Sarah and Kelsey.






Re-Cap:
So got home from work Saturday around 3:30, went on skype with the boyfriend and chatted with him for awhile.
5:45 race out of the house to go to Kristins.
6:15 get to Kristins and commence drinking after the search for ice cubes has come to fruition. Start to get ready because I look like a hobo and do not have much time to get ready. So I curl my hair, then do my make up and put on my boobs. -Cassandra at work lent me her sticky bra because as you can see in the picture my dress had a lace panel going down the front which really limits bra options ( and i did not want to go braless)- Anyway so I am now officially feeling like one hot bitch. We drink more and then decide it is picture taking time. Since all of us are hot bitch camera whores we take several.
8:45 Kristins mom drives us to Roosters which is marked with more pictures, lots of singing (loudly and poorly) and then we arrive.
Get to roosters and Sarah can't get in (she's 18 had a fake but it didnt work) so her and Kelsey end up going to get high while Kristin, Gillian, Melissa and I head to the Haney.
9:45 arrive at Haney, Gillian buys us some Jager bombs. We go to Caddy shack.
At caddy shack we have more shots, sent from somewhere in the bar (brought over by waitress) once mysterious drink sender comes over to make himself known, try and kiss my cheek and offer me another drink (which he brought over at this point) we decided to leave. Creepy man is no. Its cool when the waitress brings over shots and we dont know where its coming from but not all about seeing you pal and dont try to kiss my cheek, I don't know you and even if i did I'm a spoken for lady, dontcha know!
So we head back to the Haney where we dance drink some more and then eventually leave at like quarter to 2. Nathaniel (Kristins boyfriend) picked us up and all was merry and bright.
After arriving home I called my man so he would know I was home safe, then I ate the biggest rice krispie square of my life and went to bed.

Overall it was a great night. Was my first time hanging out with Gillian and she was a blast. I hit my wall pretty early I felt but what can you do when you hit you hit it. And to begin with I dont think I was in the full on crazy party mood. Don't get me wrong I still had a blast, but I dont feel like I was my usual party self.

Bad mood

How to ensure I will wake up in a bad mood.

Be super noisy all morning
followed by an unnecessarily thorough job of vacuuming on the the same floor as my bed room. This is just annoying considering I know Tawney vacuumed it yesterday!

Meathead Adventure

Photo of the Day:

Jimmy and I went on our meathead excursion today here is a picture of me with one of the three, completely normal, and necessary statues in front of Lansdowne center in Richmond.



Daily Recap:
12:00 woke up
1:00 left room and went downstairs to hang out with the fam for a little while and have something to eat. about an hour later i decided that I had spent enough time in my pajamas and therefore went and had a shower, and put some human clothes on.
4:00 Jimmy came over and we left straight away for our meathead excursion and ethnic adventure.
Since the summer, when Jimmy and I got lost trying to find the night market, we have been planning on going on a trip to Richmond to take a picture with these giant "meathead" statues. They are hollow, they look like they are made of meat and they are heads. Giant heads made of meat. So tonight we finally did just that. Jimmy climbed around in two of them but decided the hole in one of them was just too small to squeeze into (hehe.) These things are so random I was laughing the whole time. Totally worth the drive all the way out to Richmond and back. Yes that's right we drove out to Richmond just to see those and then came back to Langley for dinner :)
6:45 went to dinner at My Thai Restaurant. This place was an excellent addition to a night already filled with many laughs. First of all it is in like an office building. Picture somewhere you go into and there is a doctors office, a podiatrist, maybe an accountant and then there down the hall is a Thai food restaurant. It was hilarious. A piano that is obviously not used (there is a table directly in front of it.) Random dirty couches that look like they came out of the 90's. The menu was literally just printed off a home printer nothing fancy or good looking in colored plastic duo-tangs. The menu's also included items which were colored out with a sharpie. On the wall we notice that there is chesscake available. yes, chesscake (that is not a typo....on my part at least)
8:00 we watch The Rite, followed by 1000 ways to die after which Jimmy leaves to go put his phone in some rice because he dropped in a puddle while climbing in one of the meatheads' head.
I am now lying in bed watching Miracle on 34th street.

Because I am a Queen

A staple for every girl.

MarioParty8

Daily Photo:


Korey had left and here I am on the phone with him. The first phone call of his 6 week absence. I am sure I am going to miss him like crazy






Daily Recap: 7:00 woke up, had a shower went to work at the bank, looking like a complete zombie. I have dark purple circles under my eyes and on the hotness scale I feel a firm 4. There is nothing spectacular about me today.
After lunch I start to perk up a bit, I have been nourished and am now feeling more like a 6. The dark circles under my eyes are still there and the mess of a ponytail is still wet in spots. Overall things are shaping up little by little, and Cassandra gets her boyfriend to bring me a coffee.
3:20 Buy web cam
3:40 arrive home and talk with mom and auntie gum for a bit before heading up to my room to play with the new web cam and make myself look presentable.
After straightening my hair and actually putting on make up I feel a lot better I now see myself as about an 8.
Learn Korey has made it safely to his Kelowna home, I am happy.
5:30 leave for work
6:00 start work at sticky rice, the Thai costume doesn't even bother me all that much. I have about 3 tables in 3 hours, one of which is my aunt, mother and sister. they give me a ten dollar cash tip which i pocket and do not tip out at the end of my shift. Rebellious I know. But hey if my aunt is giving me a tip I am not sharing it with the kitchen staff, that's just not happening.
9:00 get home, call korey (see picture)
Katherine comes over with a bottle of wine. We drink, I get slightly buzzed to the point where Mario Party becomes an extreme exercise in coordination and concentration. This ends in Daisy winning and Wuligi hanging his head in shame (Wario and Yoshi are upset as well.) Daisy's victory leads Katherine to make the observation that this triumph will be short lived because she is about to be gang raped by two evil villains and an unusually happy dinosaur ( the losers.) Now who's hanging their head in shame princess Daisy -ie. Princess whore.
1:00 Katherine goes home.
1:15 Brittney writes an entertaining blog entry that will probably not be read but you know all's well

New format?

So I am thinking of trying something new out here. New format so to speak. Here is what it would include: Picture of the day, Daily re-cap, thoughts, comments.

Plans plans plans

I am perfectly content, my room is clean i have listened to many a Christmas tune, and i feel like I have my life in my control. I've got plans lined up for this weekend and next, and I'll be hanging out with some great girlfriends (and jimmy).

So here's the deal havent been speaking with Katherine over an argument that is not solved and it wont be, because she thinks she's right i think Im right. Regardless I've decided that its not worth holding a grudge so we're hanging out Saturday.
Ive got plans with Jimmy for Sunday, we're going to Richmond to eat asian food and take pictures with the random giant meatheads
Wednesday Im going to hang out with Heather for a bit.
Saturday going to Gabby's with Kristin, and then she is going to sleep over, stoked for that. That girl is a blast in a glass <3
Got plans to go to Metrotown with Sara at some point in the next week or so to do some Christmas shopping done.

These are my plans with plenty of skyping in between with Korey. :)

The Secoond Petition (without going into much detail)

So apparently my family is going through some hard times, I guess it's not appropriate to discuss it in detail on the internet but never the less I do feel the need to express something about it. I don't really know what is appropriate here, Brody doesn't really believe in God so perhaps making a prayer is not the best course of action but then again once upon a time i made a request to the Universe, whether that's God, a collection of Gods or some other high being I don't know.

My Petition to the Universe (without going into too much detail)

Dear Universe, my brother is going through a really rough time right now and I think it would be int the best inerest of everyone for you to grant him the strength to beat whatever it is he's going through. Please make him happy please just be with him, help him get better so that the Universe had one less person to worry about. Thanks a bunch
(also please be with my family during this difficult time - especially my parents they really need the strength that love and guidance from you provides.) Thank you
signed everyone they've ever known and I've ever known
like my own petition i encourage anyone who reads this to comment and leave their support. If not please keep my family in your prayers.











On another note I will blog later with less depressing thoughts

Today

Lola bean is a queen. I love yogurt in the morning, now im off to school to doze off and drink way too much coffee

Writing

Today I am feeling the urge to write. Not just my usual ramblings that I am accustomed to doing on here (it is after all my blog, or as a virtual diary as I use it) but instead I want to write I dont know a poem, a song, maybe prose. I don't really know but I have this aching in my brain to write something down. The only thing is I don't know what I am want to write about. The higher presence that blesses us with inspiration is only lightly grazing its lips on the edge of my mind, breathing on my ear words that I cannot yet hear. The words I do hear, they seem so cliched. As soon as I write them down I instantly feel silly, as if someone is looking over my shoulder judging my work. So now I sit looking at the scribblings in my note book and wondering how I got here. Questions to myself, and observations about my feelings. I guess this urge to write is coming out of wanting to express myself in some way but not knowing how. I feel like its too early in the game to say what I'm feeling, the thing is I just dont want to give my heart away to someone only to have it hurt. I want to be careful, cautious.

Sigh

There is nothing nicer than coming home to a house that is not filled with noise and tension after a long day at work. Been house sittign for a couple days now and it feels fabulous. I cook for myself, I clean up after myself and it's just so much more quiet. I'm currently sitting on the couch watching The Trosky and eating tzatziki and loving life. It feels really good.

Wonderwall

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?


I've never been one who was short on words, but on this subject i find myself unable to form the words that i feel like I'm screaming on the inside. In high school Heather and I wrote this song, looking back it wasn't very good but regardless this one line I wrote comes to mind in this time. " A broken record plays the words that nobody says"

Happiness? Are you There? It's me Brittney

What is Happiness?

I have an obsession with happiness, I am constantly trying to make myself more aware of it, to better understand what it really is. It's fleeting to say the least. Here one minute gone the next, but is it really? As human beings we are always looking for the next big thing, the next high, the next rush etc. Once we find it we need to move on to bigger things. Happiness is like that. Once we find happiness we become too comfortable: we take that feeling for granted and soon we no longer think we're happy. Not because anything has change but because nothing has changed, the stalemate in our moments allows us to lose sight of happiness.
This is part of the reason I like staying busy. In every moment there is something new to enjoy, whether it be bungee jumping, or going for dinner with a new friend, or catching up with an old friend, or having a romping good sac session. Happiness can be found every where as long as you allow it to enter you. Now I feel like I need to add something else to this idea. You expect Happiness to come to you. You cannot say I am going to sit in bed until Happiness find me. NO! what the hell are you thinking?! When has Happiness ever been found laying bed. (aside from as i said earlier a romping good sac session) Happiness comes from living life, engaging with the people around you and new people. It comes from learning new things, taking pride in your job whatever it may be, it comes from doing the things you want to do. If you want to go to Europe then make a plan and make it happen, if you want to go for a walk then lace up your shoes and get going. Grandeur does not matter when dealing with Happiness its simply about living your life and finding your peace. Peace now thats a new word I think I should look into some more.

Management

Busyness breeds organization. This is the idea that I'm playing with in my life right now. I work two jobs go to school, do homework, help out around home, see friends, and spend time with the boyfriend. I think I'm doing pretty good, I have more list than is probably necessary and/or healthy, but I'm hoping all this list making will pay off. Help with time and money management is the key here. Money management now that's the big one. How to i find the money to pay for m car, pay insurance, pay my visa, pay my bridge tolls, gas, cell , and still go out and occasionally buy something to make myself feel pretty.

Well here the plan. I sell the swift, put that money on the honda. House sit, put that money on the honda. Sell my Tiffany necklace that Rob got me, put that on the honda and sell the promise bow ring he got me and put that on the honda. These funds should take a good chunk out of what I have to pay on it. The less i have to pay on that thing the more I can spend on you know having a life.

I do feel some sort of reluctance towards selling the jewelery rob gave me. I mean it is Tiffany's but really I am never going to wear it again. Then there's this other part of me that says when I'm older maybe I'll want that stuff, to say you know this guy I was seeing got me this. But really I will never wear any of it, I need the money. I feel it does have sentimental value to me, not because I still hold onto feelings for him but because their part of my past. Their part of my story, my journey and what will eventually lead me to where I'm supposed to be. Who I'm supposed to be with. But whether or not I physically own them, I know will know what brought me to that point. I know I should sell them, I have no use for them , and someone else might get enjoyment from them. But its Tiffany's! I need new Tiffany's




On a completely unrelated note check this out:
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/876039-man-claims-140-year-old-photo-proves-nicolas-cage-is-a-vampire

:)

So today has been an excellent day. I went to school and then came home and made myself some baked potato soup and a cappuucino. As the rain came down I sat on the couch watching TV enjoying my delicious soup. It is a good day and I feel completely content. Life is good.


This week Ive spent a lot of time with Korey which of course im sure has something to do with my ridiculously good mood. I really really like this guy. Things just seem to fit. I think I've lost most of my reservations about him. He's so sweet and attentive and not to mention he's sexy as hell. This is a guy that could really end up hurting me i suppose.

One and Only

I don't know why im scared, I've been here before, every feeling ever word I've imagined it all.



Still a few walls that I feel myself holding up. Thats the thing i"m holding them up, they're ready to come down and im forcing myself to keep them up, because what if he's not what I think he is? What if things change? I dont want to hurt again.

Decisions

The right decisions are usually the hardest to make. It's easy to take the easy way, pretend a little more, and make the wrong decision. The right ones are hard. Sometimes they involve hurting people you care about, sometimes they involve hurting yourself in the short term. I do not call them hard decisions for nothing. The key to remember is that they will make you stronger, and they will make you happier in the long term.


Katherine Keiner whenever you have doubts, just hold on and remember that the light at the end of the tunnel is within reach. Stay strong. I'm so proud of you, and I promise you will be happy. It sucks right now because it was the right decision.

Truth

Dear World;

He was dog face wasted, do not feel sorry for him. If you must feel bad for someone feel bad for the people he lied to, the girl he drained dry and used up and most of all feel bad for the woman he killed and her family.

Sincerly,
Me.




You disgust me

Arms

This is not the first time I have felt the need to post somethine Christina Perri related on my blog. In the past it was Jar of Hearts and it felt like the song was written for me, speaking to me at that critical time in my life. Now things are looking good but yet again she has done it. This woman lives in my head I think. Anyway here are the lyrics with special emphasis on the lyrics that struck me the most.

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go


I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

Singing Again

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to sing. I sing when I'm enjoying yummy food, I sing while driving, I sing while doing chores, etc you get the idea. Lately though I sing when I'm walking around the house, I sing while I'm working at the restaurant, I sing when I'm at the bank, I sing in the shower, I sing ALL THE TIME. I remember once my mom said to me after I had gotten through a rough time in my life: "Do you know how I can tell you are a lot happier? You are singing again." I like this about myself. The fact that when I am happy it seems to burst out of me and as of late it is bursting like crazy.
I feel like there is this amazing balance in my life that was previously unattainable. I am constantly busy which I love. I'm working lots (two jobs now) I see my gal pals all the time (some not as much as I'd like) Jimmy and I seem to be a lot closer and there is this great new guy in my life who makes me feel special, I love spending time with him but we're not that couple thats always in contact always talking. I know I had previously said I wasnt sure but I am sure. Had a great talk with him the other night and he even mentioned that it felt like there was some sort of wall between us that we had both been putting up. It feels good.
However there is one thing I would like to ask the Universe for, help for Katherine.
She's going through a rough time right now and I just want things to get better for her. So in the spirit of happiness (mine) and the desire to spread it I will send this message out to the Universe (or you know just the internet)

Dear Universe:
Please help Katherine. Please grant her the wisdom to know what she should do during these hard times that she is encountering. Give her the strength to stand by her decisions. Give her some sign, a clear sign. She deserves to be happy so please make it happy.
Sincerely; Brittney Hougaard

Weekend Re-Cap

So had a fabulous weekend, heres the deats.

Friday night went out to Blarney Stone with Sara, Korey and their group: Chelsea, Corey, CJ, Joe, Michelle, and well actually i think I got them all. Anywho so we got down there after much effort lol and then Korey, Sara, Chelsea and I headed down to Blarney Stone and met up with the rest of them. I had a great night. One regret I spent an awful lot of time canoodling with Korey. Well I wouldn't call this a regret because I still had a great time and enjoyed the canoodling plus i really like this guy, however i wish I had spent more time partying it up with Sara and perhaps table dancing. This being said, we then left and we spent the night at Chelsea. also good times to be had there. Anyway! Chelsea made wheat free pancakes in the morning which were delicious and then we all went home. Korey came over spent a bit of time here watching a movie with me and then he went home to join his pals for the fireworks and I proceeded to get ready to join my pals to celebrate Josie's birthday.
Saturday night was awesome as well. Josie, Melissa, Margarita and I went to Lamplighter which was the sweatiest club i've ever been to. So dirty but we had a blast and believe it or not but i behaved myself! shocking I know. Then today got to hang out with Katherine for a bit then proceeded to go to work.

R.I.P

My dear sweet swift may be about to pack it in. I am sad.

I love my swift!

What do I wear?

The question that haunts many a female's mind everyday ( multiple times a day) is: What am I going to wear? This is especially true when it is a known fact that said female will come in contact with a) attractive men or b) attractive women (this is so they can compete not to get in their lezzie pants.) My question today is, why? After all no matter how long we spend getting ready or finding the perfect outfit, no man who isn't right is gonna come up to you anyway. More over if some guy did come over to you based on what you're wearing he is probably either gay or a skeez (this is assuming you're dressed like a slush.) Secondly there are going to be girl better looking than you everywhere you go, it's exhausting and frustrating I know but what can you do. This brings me to my finally question, what does one wear to the fireworks downtown? Ugh

WWTD?

New Goal:

Have a truly Tucker Max-esque night before I'm too old (or to un-single) to enjoy it.

Braaahk

I've said this before, dating is like a game that I have lost the rule book to. Both people are trying not to come off to strong. Now normally I would just cut the bull shit and tell him hey i'm interested in you and I really hope you don't become just another buddy, but then I think no this time I want him to pull out the balls and make the first move. Otherwise I might get in another whiny ball-less situation (ie. Razz.) Anyway I'm trying not to get too excited about this one particular guy so naturally made out with some random at the club last night, man I can be sucha whore. Who cares. Anyway despite my best efforts I still find myself thinking about this guy a lot which pisses me off because I am not that girl. I am not some tee hee girl who gets all blushy and bull crap. Ugh, hate.

The Relationship Curse

Once a romance has ended friends and family like to chime in with all sorts of helpful advice and condolences. My past break ups have all had one particular condolence/concern in common: you were kind of out his league. Adam Salter and Rob Grant (Razz doesnt even get counted it was too short) after the heart ache of the break up subsided almost everyone I knew, and people I didn't know would come up to me and say " yea I could never figure out why you were with him, you're so much better looking." Now I'll admit Adam Salter I can see that being true, but I guess at the time infatuation blinded me, but Rob well that's one I dont get. To this day I still think him to be an attractive guy, but again I did spend over 2 years with the guy so I'm guessing there are some rose colored glasses involved where that is concerned.
Now the purpose of this entry is not to look at the past, but rather at the future. You see my issue is that as I've been "on the prow" I have been feeling very shallow. I am always thinking "is he good enough looking for me?" I don't want to date another guy where people think "she can do so much better." But here's the thing, why does it matter? Why should I care if someone I dont know thinks I can do better, the fact of the matter is I just want to find someone who makes me happy. The curse here today is not perfume (as i may have mentioned before as being the relationship curse gift) but it is the whole concept of being shallow. Be and let be.

Non-exhausted list of POF no-no's

So anyone that knows me knows i am on Plenty of fish (username: mosquitobite) and through my experiences i have formed a list of totally unsexy/red flags things that you come across on various profiles and messages on a regular basis. This list is by no means exhausted. (headlines are my biggest pet peeve about this thing - as you will see)


1) Headlines like "Apply within" or "Msg Me!" :
lame. Here's the thing boys this may be egotistically or incredibly old fashion or a combination of the two but the fact is I want a man who has the balls to see what he wants and ask for it - that is sexy.

2) Headlines like "needs love." :
Cause you know every girl reading that is going yes please sign me up for some of that! .... No she is saying okay dude is probably a class five clinger with issues.

3)Shirtless photos as your main picture:
Yes I understand you are ripped and good looking and that is lovely but the truth is when I see that my first thought is dude is probably a douche bag, after DAMN of course.

4) Msgs like "Hey, how's it going?" :
... really? after all the hard work i put into writing that stupid profile the most you can come up to say to me is "hey hows it going" this is and instant delete.

5) Copy and Paste messages that try to seem like you actually looked through my profile but its incredibly vague and lame so you clearly did not. :
nough said, see number 4

6)SUNGLASSES:
sunglasses are an ugly person's dream! A five can look like an 8 in sunglasses, no joke. The eyes define a face. Therefore if you have oddly shaped eyes or something going on there, simply slap on a pair of sunglasses and you are set and have instantly made yourself more attractive. Therefore sunglasses are a HUGE red flag that you are secretly ugly.

7)Initial contact msgs asking to meet up.:
Uhm excuse me, I do not know you, you could be a rapist. And not a very good one because you are not even bothering to come up with an alias or double life - thats just lazy. Lazy Rapist!

8) Headlines like "what is this about":
Its about meeting new people and possibly dating, it says right on the first page of the site ONLINE DATING SITE. this question is not deep it tells me you are clearly stupid and illiterate.

9) Pictures like this------------------------------------------------------>
Seriously pal? did you really think this would turn me on, you look like you're taking a dump.




10) Msgs like "you're gorgeous":
Yep I know, I do have a mirror, got anything else?

11) Headlines like "looking for something real":
Really? Well too bad because I am looking for a figment of my imagination! It's all real pals, even a hook up is real.

So the time has come that I have decided I need to move out.

Sloppy Seconds, Better Thans, or Rebounds?

Women are tricky creatures. We can find various ways to look at one thing just based on how we are feeling that day, or what side of it we are on. For instance one girl may think of another: "Oh she just loves my sloppy seconds" while the other in the situation is thinking: "she wasn't good enough so they always come to me afterwards." The first girl may also have a friend who says "that girl is just a rebound chick, that's all she's good for" and really who's to say who's right. Personally I think girl number two needs to check herself and her motives before she latches onto another one of girl number one's exs but thats just me. And of course this is purely hypothetical.

As you may have guessed this may not be entirely hypothetical. I may have a ex stalker. An ex stalker is a girl who goes around dating (or sleeping with) one girl in particular's exes after they have broken up. Exhibit A: Adam Salter (Dated him shortly after me) Exhibit B: Robert Grant (was sleeping with him after we broke up) and Exhibit C: Sheraz Ansari (shortly after we break up she is seen around town not denying her intent.) Call me crazy but I'm a little creeped out. Girl obviously needs to examine why she is dating these guys. Is it truly because she likes them or maybe she likes me a little more than she cares to admit.

Whatever her reason may be I'm going with the girl just loves my sloppy seconds. We broke up for a reason and guess what he's still hung up on me, so enjoy :)

Favorite Albums of All Time

Britney Spears - Oops I Did It Again
Yes I am aware of the super corny-ness of this album but I do not care. It is my favorite Brit Brit album because every tune is relatable in some way. Plus I truly believe no true girls top favorite albums list would be complete if there was not a Britney Spears album on it (if she was being honest). I reach for this baby when I need a pick me up, when I feel like dancing or when I get a good ol' fashion craving for some cheesy pop.

Regina Spektor - Begin to Hope
When I thought about what my favorite albums are this is not one that immediately jumped to mind but when I think about the albums that I reach for over and over again this is definitely on of my most played out CDs. Its good mellow music, it has some really fun tunes on it as well. My favorite song on the CD is probably Samson. It still sometimes makes me cry. Once I felt like it was the ideal romantic song but when you truly listen to it its actually the ideal break up song. The idea that a love that once seemed so epic to you will never go down in history, you couldn't even break down the walls that stood in your ways. Over all this is a great album that I highly recommend to anyone who hasn't heard it

Julie Crochetiere - A Better Place
This woman's soulful voice is smooth like butter and at times haunting. A good album filled with power ballads like Precious Love or upbeat happy, nothing can ruin this day tunes like Shine make this album what it is. I reach for it over and over again. It's not one I go to for a pick me up or a mellow out it's just good tunes all around.

Keith Urban - Golden Road
I love Keith Urban. he is probaly my favorite artist and this is by far my favorite of his albums. In my opinion it was this CD that truly launched him into the super-stardom status that he current holds. It is a great summer CD, you will be dancing and bouncing about the whole time. I actually own two of these CDs because I played the first one so many times it kind of just stopped working. It is also the album that holds my favorite Keith Urban song (also one of my all time favorite songs) Raining on Sunday. Just a sexy song, and let's face it who wouldn't mind a rainy Sunday alone with Keith.

Adele -21
Arguably described as a depressing break up CD, I prefer to think of it as an empowering break up CD. Set Fire to the Rain is one of the most empowering and epic songs I think I have ever heard. Adele's haunting voice carries tunes like One and Only to a level that no other artist could achieve. This CD breathes; roll down the windows in your car, close your eyes as you listen on your IPod, and just turn it up. This is an amazing CD that you will feel right down to your bones.

NUMERO UNO
John Mayer - Continuum
This is by far my favorite album of all time. I reach for it all the time; when I'm happy, when I'm sad, it is truly perfect (with the exception of the overly pretentious Waiting on the World to Change.) I cannot tell you how many times I have simply put on this CD, lied down on the bed, closed my eyes and just listened. Songs like Slow Dancing in a Burning Room and Dreaming With a Broken Heart haunt my thoughts long after the CD has played out. This is truly a great CD. John dares us all to be Bold as Love with his gorgeous voice, and thoughtful lyrics. I was not a John Mayer fan until this album. Continuum converted me. Whatever your mood this CD has something for you, I promise you will not be disappointed.

mistakes

Life is full of choices, we can choose to make the right ones or we can choose the wrong ones. These wrong ones are known as mistakes. There are mistakes, MISTAKES and there are MISTAKES. Idont know which one i made last night. its confusing, this life thing. You think for os long that you dont want something, that you dont need it but then there it is and it turns out you do want it, maybe even need it. How do we know when the choices we make are the right ones or the wrong ones for that matter. After all of each choice we make takes us to our ultimate end point in life, and if it is to be assumed that everything works out the way its supposed to then can it not be argued that there is no such thing as a wrong choice or mistake?

WOW

I will officially be joining the Blackberry revolution today people, be prepared

The Show

He wakes up in the morning, greets with you smile and goofy stretch
Kisses your lips, you dont even mind his breathe smells like death
Fixes breakfast in his boxers eggs and orange juice in bed
He tells you that he loves you and you say it right back.

Out for lunch and you that know every girl's eye is on him
You know he only has eyes for you, so you;re floating on air
You mockingly tease him, becasue he orders salad, you order fries,
He tells you he loves you and you say it right back.

He plays video games as you cook him supper and smile
Raves about your dry chicken and you cant help but laugh
He'll do the dishes while you chat him up
He tells you he loves you and you say it right back

Out for Coffee he pays for donuts and drinks
Laughing and talking, stealing quick glances
Hands on the back in a protective, loving way
"He tells you he loves you and you say it right back"

Grabs you by the arm, he cant wait to tell you
Throws you to bed and he holds you down
You're now on the floor he cant control himself
"He tells you he loves you and you say it right back"

It's not much but its a snapshot, of several days with "Mr Right"
But it wasnt my back he touched, and it wasnt in passion that he threw me
He puts on a good show doesnt he
When he tells you he loves you, dont say it back.

The Game

Dating is practiced by most singles (and some not so singles) as the desired way in which individuals find a mate. In theory the goal is to find your forever partner, however at 20 the goal seems more like finding a summer hook up buddy. At any age dating can be daunting, the flirting, the innuendo, the kissing, the touching, the correspondence that follows kissing and touching and at the end of the day it just starts to feel like a game. Who can appear to care the least while still appearing interested, yet of course not like their invested or anything. The other problem with dating these days is when do you stop pursuing other options. Is there a concrete question that can be asked without sounding ridiculous, like will you be my (fill in the blank)? The juggling of these other options is not easy either, you start to find yourself unable to remember which questions you asked which and was it Paul or Dave that likes Leonardo DiCaprio movies, and is it John or Jeff that spends a large amount of time in Whistler, and I cant remember if the other Dave was creepy or not, so I guess I'll start chatting with him again (he is persistent... probably not a good thing.)
I enter this rant because it is no secret that I have begun dating, in particular one guy named Dave (this is the Dave that I'm pretty sure is not creepy, and am still trying to remember if he like DiCaprio movies.) Both parties seem interested, although there is reservation on both sides. He seems unwilling to make the first definitive step in classifying what this relationship is, for example: are we friends who make out or are we "seeing each other?" I know we're not "together" as per the lack of facebookness (this is ridiculous that our generation has come to defining the validity of a relationship based on its existence online.) ... ANYWAY, back to my game analogy. My relations with Dave, have left me me feeling somewhat, like dating is a game I lost the instruction manual to. I don't ever remember being particularly good at it, but I must have had some skill at some point.

What ...

What do I want? This question is posed to me on so many occasions lately. What do you want in a guy? What do you want in a relationship? What do you want in life? What do you want on your burger? I feel like I am supposed to have the answers to all these questions but the fact is I dont (except the last: mustard mayo and a tad ketchup.) I dont know what I want in a guy, just someone nice, who isn't going to bring unwanted drama into my life. I dont know what I want in a relationship either, hell I dont know if I want a relationship. Im having fun being single, going on dates, smooching to my hearts content. As for life all I want is to be happy, so please dont ask me the particulars.
Life is about the joy of finding these things out as you go, if I had a plan that was carried out bit by bit exactly as I planned it, well where would the fun be in that.

Art of Being Brittney

So for all you.. no one who follow my blog I have decided to fill you in on the hard work and the art of being me.
!: most importantly if you are going to be Brittney Hougaard you must try to maintain a postive outlook at all times. For instance your best friend is shitting on you, your ex is with-holding your shit and you have like a shit ton of homework to do and no free time. Well too the fuck bad you smile god damn you. This a relatively new step to being Brittney. One that came about one day as I sat on the couch crying to my mom about how sad I was. She looked at me and said sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. So I did and I am. I faked it until I made it. She also mentioned something about the importance of reinventing yourself from time to time, this does not mean you change who you are, that will always stay the same. It simply means if you want to be one of those people who is happy all the time and just generally positive then be that way. So I did. Therefore while this may be a new step it is definitely the most important. The reason for this is if you are sad what good does that do you? if you're mad who does that hurt? No one but yourself thats who. and being sad is only going to further drag down your mood. Therefore Happiness is a key part of the Art of Being Brittney.
2: Hair. Anyone who knows me knows that there is one thing that I love about me and that is my hair. Granted this may sound self centred but who the fuck cares I love my hair. I admit sometimes I would love to just shave it off but the truth is I would cry my eyes out and mourn my luscious locks for a long ass time. :) They key is a good blow out. Round brush that shit! On days when the blow out is not being felt you curl. Curled hair is not only exceptionally sexy it is also a good way to make yourself feel gorgeous. Plus it adds volume making your hair appear super thick and who doesnt want thick hair. The color of your hair does not really matter all that matters is the style. Also important do not let your hair just lay flat on your back or even worse directly over your chest like a beard. No the hair must be brought to the front and left to hang on the sides think armpit area, but please ladies we do not want hair that smells like gym socks. Figure your shit out. The hair should act as a beautiful frame for your boobs <3
3:Body Language. Now this step may sound similar to step one in that the idea is to come off as a positive open minded person but trust me it is entirely different. Do not sit with your arms crossed scowling at the world. Instead you should always have shoulders back arms to the side resting easily on your lap anywhere but directly in front of you creating a arm wall between you and the rest of the world. Lets face it no one wants to walk up to someone and start a conversation if you dont look approachable. Generally what this says (the open body language) is hey Im a nice person open to new experiences and people.
4: Know who you are. Brittney knows who she is and you can tell by the way she carries herself. I will not stoop down to anyones level because that's not who I am. If you are true to who you are as a person eventually everything will work out the way its suppose to. If you're pretending to be someone you're not you're gonna get stuck with someone elses life. It is fixable in my belief but it will take longer.
5: Honesty. BE HONEST. To yourself, to family, to friends, to strangers, everyone. If you have feelings for a guy tell him. If you do whats the worst that can happen? he says he doesnt feel the same? so what what, if thats what happens then it obviously wasnt meant to be. Sure it'll be embarrassing for about a minute but in the end you were honest with yourself and with him, in the end only positive things will happen if you are honest. IMPORTANT: do not use honesty as an excuse to be mean. When I say be honest I dont mean tell some guy whos into you uh not in a million years because you're kind of a loser. Remember the point of honesty is to breed positivity, being mean will never bring you positivity or anyone else.
6: Kindness. Try to be nice to everyone, this is sometimes easier said than done but never the less it is important.

Remember the point of these steps is to bring positivity to life (maybe with the exception of the hair thing thats not gonna do much more than make you feel super awesome) therefore if you find a situation where the steps will not bring positivity tweak it. Remember life is yours to create this is just what I have created some self rules that I believe will bring me happiness and positive experiences in the future and present and it may even put the past in a more positive light.

Last but not least;

BE BRAVE, LOVE LIFE

Smile

So Im at work here, exhausted because I did not sleep well last night. So frusterated.
Anyway despite my frusteration I am still trying to remain positive, fake it until you make it. You smile enough and eventually the smile becomes real. Even though right now i am extremely frusterated I still feel light and happy. So I'll hold on to that

Umbrellas

Friends are good for a lot of things, they are there for you when your heart is breaking, they build you up when you're feeling less than fabulous and they are great for a good time. However, one thing that is seldom mentioned in the "why friends rock" hand book is the fact that sometimes friends can be the most hurtful people of all.
You look at them as an umbrella to shield you from the shit storm that is life and you do the same for them. So when these people, these umbrellas starting dumping on you, for no apparent reason it is shocking, and hurtful. There will always be the occasional drop that falls from the edges of the umbrella, that may land on your skin but you know the umbrella doesn't mean to be hurtful so those drops roll off. Sometimes, however the umbrella just decides to fold up, its had enough and the shit storm that rains down truly sinks in. The hurt caused from that umbrella hurts more than anything else can. You know it'll all work out and so you decide to keep the umbrella that is you, up in hopes that the umbrella that is them will reopen itself.
Here's to silent battles, that will never be won between umbrellas that will in the end always stay open.

Content

So I was driving home tonight, and as i was driving the thought occurred to me that I am super happy. There was no weight on my chest no worry on the back of my mind, just a good happy feeling.
Why do I forget what happy feels like? was it love that blinded me? Do I think if I have love I dont need anything else? To be honest in that last ridiculousness during my relationship with Rob I actual remember brief acknowledgment of my unhappiness, but then saying to myself no your not and even if you are this will pass it will get better. And it did I lost the weight on my chest, I lost the worry in the back of mind and let myself finally relax. You don't realize till you get out how miserable you are. I feel free finally.

Time

So as I carry on my new path in life, i decided that I was ready to date. I know what you're thinking, Its only been a month, too soon. Not true. In my heart I feel like we never really got back together. So here I am at this new point in my life and for the first time in a long time I went on a first date. His name was Jamie Koch, we met on plenty of fish, and he was a dud. ... Who cares! I had a fun night out with someone new, and thats excellent!
So with this new experience under my belt, I went on another date, two days later. His name is Chad Cornford. I had an amazing time. The timing may seem completely wrong to all you out in cyber land but who cares. If we spend our lives waiting around for "the right time" for enough time to have passed or anything stupid like that then we are simply wasting time! I had feelings for Chad before I got back with Rob. My reasoning had been that I had a lot more invested in Rob so I owed it to myself to give it one more try. Well I gave it that try and now I think I owe it to myself to make out with the fiercly hot, exceptionally sweet gorilla man!
Life is not about discovering the right time, stumbling upon it. Its about making the right time now. Who knows what tomorrow will hold, or any aspect of the future but right now at this time, life is good.

Nightmare

Okay so I had a really weird dream last night.

I was in a play and everyone I knew was there. I remember between scenes I was waiting backstage sitting on the ground waiting to be able to go out. I was calm I was happy. Then this guy came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He looked like rob but in my dream he wasn't rob I didn't know him at all but now when I think back on the dream and the mystery man that's who he looked like. Anyway as this man got closer and closer I started to become wrapped up in something I dont know what it was, the curtain, cellofane i dont know but I couldnt move. I tried screaming because I was scared of him, i knew he wanted to hurt me. I tried kicking and screaming but my legs were wrapped up my arms were wrapped up and I couldnt make more than a slight groan. It was terrifying, i felt so helpless. I started moving around on the floor trying to get my legs free but it wouldnt work I knew everyone i knew was just beyond the wall and if only they could hear me they would help so i tried to move closer to the wall, maybe try and kick it with m y legs. The whole time this guyy was just hovering over me, he wasnt hurting me or anything but I knew he was going to. It was very ominous. Anyway i could tell he was just about to really hurt me so i swung my legs really hard to hit the wall so someone would come save me and just at that moment I woke up. I guess it doesnt take a master dream analysis to realize the hidden meaning behind that dream

Excellence

God bless beer, nachos and excellent friends.

Went out last night with the girls for some much needed gal pal time. Alison and I shared a pitcher of beer, had myself some paralyzers and then the three of us shared some nachos. Excellence is the word i believe you're looking for.

Road Full of Promises, Head Full of Doubt

The truth is I'm happier than I thought I was, I feel less sad than I though I was. The rays of sunshine shine so bright and they bring a lightness to my heart that I haven't felt in some time. When sadness does strike me, it is brief and it is faint, and if I'm being honest usually followed by anger and frustration, not at him but at myself. Why would I be angry at myself? I feel like I tried so hard for something that clearly wasnt worth my effort. I tried everything I could think of to make this thing work and what did I get, nothing.
I don't regret it though, to me I just showed myself how capable of love my heart is. I never knew that I could be so selfless, that I could put my needs second to the enth degree the way I have for the past couple months. So for that I thank you, you know who you are. Thank you for showing me what my heart is capable of, what I am capable of, and how much I can come back from.
I was watching sex in the city the other night and Carrie asked the question, why do women need to find the lesson in broken relationships? I think it's because we want to know that it wasnt a waste, the love the time the energy wasn't a waste. As women we pride ourselves on our selflessness and all we want is to find someone equally as devoted to us as we are to them. When we dont find that we need to find the reason, why it didn't work out for the same reasons that historians look into the past, so that we do not make these same mistakes again. If you do not learn a lesson from a relationship, i guess the fear is you are doomed to repeat the heart ache agian and again, and who wants that? Not me I want to move on, it'll take time to heal but when I do I will find someone who will love me the way i deserve, and will cherish me. I need to learn to loosen up, take some time to figure out what I really want out of life. The road ahead is paved in sunshine. :)

Rolling In The Deep

YEAH YEAH YEAH

If You Could Take All The Love Without Giving Any Back, Would You Do It?

What Would You Do?

With All Your Power?

HelloGoodbye

I want to be chased

Beauty of a Plan

Overwhelmed, tasks hunched on your shoulders darkening your mood in everything you do. This is a picture of life in school. taking 3 second year courses that in themselves would keep you busy but no I'm taking three. Next is work which is frusterating and stressful to a point that you can't imagine. Then of course theres family obligations: dad wants the house cleaned, they want you to spend time with the,, brothers got girlfriend problems and, sister is in high school so there is always drama. Trying to make time for friends who seem to think they have it so tough and know it all and then theres the fact that no oneseems be able to agree on a time or a place. Last but not least there's the relationship that has been on firmer ground. All of this is dizzying. I'm exhausted to say the least.
There is one saving grace amongst all of this, and that is a plan. There is something so soothing about writing down everything, what you have to do the time frame that it will be done in, etc. Honestly, last night as I sat stressing about all I had to do I got out my agenda and started planning my next couple weeks. Granted I will have virtually no free time it still felt so much better. It felt like everything was suddenly manageable.
I still can't wait for this weight to be lifted off my chest, but with my plan set in place i feel like I can make it till summer. Breathe in Breathe out, I can do it, you can do it too.

Future

So right now I am feeling super confused. I feel like I want to go into teaching but the thing is there is a part of me that i just dont think has the passion for it. Am I really wanting to go through another 3 years of schooling to do this. Again I am faced with the thought of taking some two year program and being done with it. but then again that only puts me a year a head of the game. I don't know I guess its just worry, that what if this isnt what is going to make me happy for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think I just chose this profession because I felt like the pressure was on to make a decision. So here I was and i thought why not teaching, and touche why not teaching, but more importantly, Why Teaching?

Mary

Mary by Patty Griffin

I was listening to this song on my way home from school today, I have listened to this song many times and it never hits me as anything more than a pretty tune from the hauntingly good Patty Griffin. Tonight I had a thought. As I really listened to the lyrics I couldn't help getting a little misty.
Everyone knows the story of the virgin birth. This Virgin gives birth to the savior of all mankind. My question is what happened to her after Jesus' death. Was there some lottery she won afterward, you know, watch son be persecuted, tortured and finally crucified and the rest of your days will be easy sailings. Sadly, I don't see that as being the case. My bets are with, she goes home ( perhaps Mary Magdalene joins her) and spends the rest of her days trying to scrape by. Each day she will miss her son, cry for him because after all he was her son. Just because he was some Messiah sent from God to save our souls doesn't mean she didn't raise him, doesn't mean she didn't love him like any other mother loves her son. What happened to her? How much did what happened to him effect her?

I Keep On Loving You

Love takes the patience of Job
That's what my Mama always said
Faith is the belief in something
More than what you know
That's what the good book says

You gotta play the cards you got
Who knows what fate is holding
At times you gotta go
Without knowing where you're going

That's why I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave mes
And never will agains
And I promise tos, I keep on lovin' you

Lord knows we've had our share of fights
Our sleepless nights, our ups and downs
We've had plenty and then some of baby
I'm gones and turnarounds

Sometimes I swear it might be easier
To throw in the towel
Someday we're gonna look back
And say look at us now

That's why I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave mes
And never will agains
And I promise tos

I keep on lovin' you, keep on lovin' you
Through the I take it backs, I didn't mean it like thats
I'd never hurt yous, oh, I keep on lovin' you

I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the baby don't leave mes
And never will agains
And I promise tos

I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you
Through the I take it backs, I didn't mean it like that
I'd never hurt yous, oh, I keep on lovin' you
I keep on lovin' you, I keep on lovin' you  

The January Curse

For several years now it has been my belief that January is a cursed month. It is marked with promises, and new beginnings that it will never keep. How many loves are lost in this month? How many people succumb to the doldrums, the blues, or the mean reds? Far too many. Perhaps it is the lack of any foreseeable holiday, or maybe it is the ever looming presence of Valentines Day that brings out the nasty feelings but either way it sucks.
When I was 17 I noticed the phenomenon I now call the January Curse. It was like couples who seemed to happy prior to the first month of the year, suddenly realized they didn't want to spend this new year with this same person. I feel the majority of this movement happens within the first 2 weeks, however when January is upon you, you can never let your guard down because you are never safe.
The dull rainy days (if you live on the West Coast) leave much to be desired. The rain gets in your shoes, your socks, it drenches your pants, your hair (this is the doldrums) and eventually it enters into your heart. This is where the blues come in. The rain seeps its way into your heart, making everything seem drearier, the sun isn't as bright (and that is literally, there are clouds everywhere at all times) and summer seems miles away. Next come the mean reds. Suddenly you're sick of feeling blue, you feel sad because you're sad. Your blue and you have no idea why. The feeling will linger, if you let it until the end of the month. With February will come new promises, real promises.
So if you are finding yourself a victim of The January Curse, fear not this month will end (and come back around next year) and all will be well in the world again.

Phone Calls

The unbelievable anxiety that comes with one phone call is inconceivable. Wondering what will he say? How will this go? And then something amazing happens, you talk. You talk about work about your day about the dog. The hole in your heart that once quivered with anticipation trying its hardest to shield itself from the blows that are surely coming, slowly stops quivering, stops waiting. It begins to fill itself. It is by no means gone, but it is noticeably smaller.

I love you Robert Grant, whether you like it or not, and I will continue to love you no matter what. we will get through this rough patch, this i believe with my entire being.

Observations

A boy slowly eating french fries in front of me
A girl eating a giant bowl of rice to my right
Sharon Mcburnie's twin
pimply boy looking at me
looks away
asian boy looking lovingly at his laptop
big forehead boy staring into the abyss
girl in shorts that are far too short for January
old man in all beige

Fade Like a Shadow

songs are a tricky business. They can seem so powerful, and it seems as if you wrote it because it's exactly what you want to say. So you blare it in your car, and you blast it in your room. You sing the lyrics that you hear because they speak for you. Then one day something happens, something terrible. You decide to look up what the lyrics actually are and it's suddenly no longer your song. It's something completely different.

The New Year (a tad belated)

I love blogging, I do. It's a release of emotion and thought that I can not find anywhere else. The problem is I can

The New Year is upon us and I have a few resolutions:

1. Blog more often
   
2. Save money/ pay off visa

Things I would like to do in the new year

1. Go to Disneyland
2. Go to Vegas
3. Keep on my search for true and lasting happiness